Marriage is a blending of two personalities. Anytime you blend something together, there will be friction. The very traits that originally attracted two people together can later seem like flaws. Many of us wind up thinking why can’t my spouse be more like me in certain areas. We naturally try to “change” our spouse’s behavior to match what we like. Now, there’s nothing wrong with growing together in the Lord. As it says in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”. But there are some things that will never change. Wisdom is knowing what things to pursue to change and what things to accept that will never change. The old phrase, “Know what battles to pick” is very appropriate here.
One big advantage is to concentrate on your spouse’s strengthens, not their weaknesses. When we concentrate on their strengths, we can appreciate and affirm them rather than criticize them. Who doesn’t appreciate other people recognizing our strengths?
We each have spiritual gifts that God made us with. While it may take time to develop these gifts, it is time well spent. See my blog on spiritual gifts at https://bsssb-llc.com/blog2-spiritual-gifts/. Having your spouse know that you want to help them be all that God made them to be is loving and intimate and will draw you both closer together. Your spouse will then be much more supportive of your spiritual gifts also.
Blending your two personality types together will take work. If one is an extrovert and the other an introvert, there will be give and take. For example, my wife is more of an extrovert than I am. So, while there is so give and take, I encourage her to have a number of godly girlfriends that she can get together with. While we are involved in a few couples activities, she is involved with several women’s ministries groups.
One more thing…while going thru trying times, never ever look envious at another couple, thinking how they seem to get along so well. Paul says in Galatians 6:4-5 to not compare ourselves with other people.
There are many different personality types. There are introverts, extroverts, etc. An example of some of them are at https://www.16personalities.com/personality-types
Another example is at http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality/type
One test to help you determine your type is at https://www.16personalities.com/
Bare in mind that the above test and examples of personality types are not the gospel truth. They may help you in determining your strengths and weaknesses but only God knows you perfectly. These above examples are only rough guidelines and should be taken as such.
God made you to be a certain type of person ( Psalm 32:8 & John 16:13).While you cannot change that, you can discover the kind of person He made you to be. Unfortunately, we are a “fallen” people. The devil and the world system have covered up the person God made us to be. We need to peel back the layers of lies that have been heaped upon us. This may take a while. In some cases, it may even take help from a professional Christian counselor. When we’ve peeled off those layers and realized what our spiritual gifts are, we can tweak our weaknesses while strengthening our strengths. One of the most fulfilling things in life is to come into the calling that God has given you (Jeremiah 1:5).
Questions for you and your spouse to ask of each other;
– What areas are your personalities similar?
– How can these areas be a strength in your marriage?
– What areas are your personalities different?
– How can these differences be a strength?
Don’t try to change your spouse’s personality. God made them this way. Be responsible for yourself. Develop your strengths and spiritual gifts. Be supportive of your spouse’s strengths and spiritual gifts. Use their strength. God put you two together for a reason. Matthew 5:16 says ,”In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Note: Much of this material is available thru www.prepare-enrich.com. We strongly recommend contacting and taking this material thru them. They also have an assessment survey that couples can take that is very helpful. This Prepare-Enrich material is available in the following languages;
English, Spanish, French, Korean, German, Chinese, Romanian, Taiwan, Italian, Japanese & Portugues.